Tips for being an ally to LGBTQIA+ players

In any coaching environment, you may be working with a player, or players, who identify as LGBTQIA+.

It is important to remember these players will all be at different stages of their journey.

Some may understand their identity and are comfortable sharing it. Others may feel they have an understanding of where they are at, but aren’t yet ready to express it. Some may be just beginning to figure out who they are.

There can also be societal, family or peer pressure in their lives or situations that impact their experience.

Our identities can evolve throughout our lives – so we should be aware of all of this regardless of the age group we are coaching.

It is not your role as a coach to know exactly where each player is at, in terms of their identity – no-one owes anyone an explanation on this topic.

It is, however, vital that you create an environment which is safe for your players – one in which they can enjoy their soccer knowing they are accepted for who they are.

I have found some really practical ways to go about this in my coaching career. I hope some of them can be useful to you – whether you are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community yourself, or an ally.

01 - use inclusive language - don’t make assumptions

It is easy to look at someone and think you know their gender identity or sexual orientation. But it is important not to make this assumption.

One way to do this is to use inclusive language. Rather than defaulting to ‘he’ or ‘she’, for example, try using ‘they’. Rather than assuming someone is talking about their boyfriend or girlfriend, use ‘partner’ in reference to them. And rather than saying, "Guys, come in," try "Everyone, come in".

Of course, once you know someone’s preferred pronouns, you should use these.

For ease, gender identity is something you can consider putting on a player registration form – people can share their preferred pronouns if they wish.

It is also important to note that, while some people have single labels and some have multiple, others prefer not to have them altogether. It is a personal choice that should be respected.

02 - Let your players know you’re there

This is relevant to everything, not just identity. Players should know you are there to support them, not just in a football sense but in every sense.

Trust is the foundation. Building it comes from things like you keeping your word, being clear in communication and taking a genuine interest in your players’ lives.

One-to-ones are key – speak to your players individually; check in with them and keep an eye out for any changes in their behaviour or mood. 

Show them that you care about them way beyond what they do on the field. 

03 - Keep things confidential

If a player does choose to confide in you – about their identity or anything else – you should absolutely keep what they tell you confidential in order to maintain their trust.

Of course, if you judge a player or someone else to be at risk, based on the information you receive, your safeguarding duties mean you will need to act accordingly. But if the player is safe and just confiding in you, you should keep it to yourself.

It’s an honour if someone chooses to talk to you about personal topics. You may be the only person, or one in a group of a few people, whom they feel they can talk to, and they will likely feel vulnerable doing so. You need to respect that.

04 - ALWAYS Show up as your true self

Players need to know that you are a real, fully rounded human in front of them.

That’s not to say you need to tell them the ins and outs of your personal life – this is up to you, dependent on how you feel and the context in which you are coaching.

But letting the players into some of your interests, hobbies or background, for example, can show that you are open to engaging with them about more than just football, and can encourage them to show up as themselves, too.

05 - Educate yourself

Look to learn as much as you can, whether through reading, podcasts or other resources.

You can approach this learning on two levels. Firstly, there’s the more general one: learning about the history and different elements of the LGBTQIA+ community and the challenges they face.

But there is also the more specific level. What are the issues specific to the community in your region, for example? What do your association, league or club policies say about the LGBTQIA+ community?

The more you educate yourself, the better positioned you will be to show up for your players.

"We are all learning. It is the commitment to doing better which is the important thing..."