Sarah Gonzalez: 'I was called a teddy bear – with armor!'

SCW: What are some of the challenges you have faced as a coach?

SG: "I’m a gay, Hispanic female. With all of those, I have faced negatives, but I have also not let them push me away. I have let them motivate me.

"I’ve had a lot of support from female coaches, and from male coaches who helped guide me, believed in me and knew I could continue growing my voice. I’m just making sure to help other female coaches that are scared to show their voice.

"The first varsity game I coached, the referee walked right by me and introduced themselves to my male assistant and said, ‘Hey coach, can we get your roster?’.

"He said, ‘why don’t you ask the varsity coach?’, and I’m just waving. The ref was kind of in shock: ‘That’s the coach?!’, ’Yeah, I’m the coach’.

"That could have scared me, but it motivated me to make sure that they remembered me. I had a lot of coaches that didn’t remember my name. I was ‘that girl coach’. Now they know my name."

SCW: It’s really important we have not just more representation, but also more allies. What would you say to men, straight people and white people that want to be better allies?

SG: "Just be there for them, support them, don’t challenge them. 

"I hid my now wife. I hid that part of my life and then decided it was not fair to the woman I was in love with. 

"I found out my parents knew anyway, they were just waiting for me to finally come out. But I grew as a person, and as a coach, when they knew me - and having the support of allies telling me, ‘Coach, it’s okay to come out. It’s okay for them to know you. They might not agree with it, but they will accept you’, that was a foundation for me to have the confidence.

"Now my girls know my three kids and they love them. They have offered to babysit - I don’t trust them quite yet for that! 

"But they have offered because they see the happiness outside of soccer that I have."

SCW: What are some of the common challenges you see with new female coaches, or young coaches, that you try to support them through?

SG: "Unfortunately parents feel they can run them off easier if it’s a younger female coach. They feel that if their daughter or child is not getting played, that they can just push the girl out.

"I’m a gay, Hispanic female. I have faced negatives, but not let them push me away..."

"I’ve seen several female coaches leave because they don’t feel confident in dealing with the parents.

"That’s unfortunate because maybe that means admin is not supporting them.

"I’m lucky I have an AD [Athletic Director] that supports me if I have a challenge from a parent.

"Sometimes they [coaches] feel they need to stop to be a mom, which is great, it’s beautiful, but I’ve seen that guilt a lot. 

"And [then there’s] not being welcomed by their players. A lot of girls haven’t played for female coaches. I don’t know how many times my players come in and say, ‘You’re the first female coach I’ve had’.

"I love that there’s more females out there coaching. I’d love to continue increasing that."

SCW: What is some of your advice for dealing with parents?

SG: "Make sure you have someone there to be with you that’s supportive. Listen to them, allow them to say what’s wrong, and then maybe you can figure out a way forward.

"I [once] had a very angry parent. I listened to them. I had my AD and assistant principal there. Once I heard them, we found out it was a miscommunication from their daughter.

"Then it was fixed, it was fine. But it took us listening to each other instead of trying to do it through email or through phone calls. 

"Face-to-face is a lot easier with the player there as well."